decisions in parenting can be difficult.

Today Ava had her shots. She was given two shots, but was administered a total of seven vaccines today: Hepatitis B, Polio, Pneumococcal Disease, Diptheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis were given in two shots; Rotavirus was attempted orally. Ava does not take oral meds well and (as usual) emptied her tummy on the table while the nurse tried to finish off her dosage.

I am battling the decision of doing this to my daughter. It is such a common thing to be done, and I, coming from a long line of worldly perspective, feel it is a good thing to be done. It keeps the child from contracting very serious illnesses. It helps to build the immune system in the child. These are things I have heard and trusted to be true promoting childhood vaccinations. However, I have read some studies demoting these shots, but I am 1) not sure how credible they are and 2) not confident enough to make the decision against this idea. I know that there was mercury in some of the shots but I know, too, that this has been eradicated from most shots (including the ones at the Miami County Health Department). I also know that my daughter's doctor strongly supports vaccines and my insurance has a minimal amount of doctors to choose from - him being the best in my opinion. I am not ready to take my daughter out of the care of a professional who is educated to oversee her health. Another thought against ruling out vaccinations in Ava's life is that my future is unknown. I do not know if I will be able to homeschool her. My mother has said she would help. I may be able to have her help, but I can not expect her to do the job herself. She has two other daughters to school. Plus she takes care of all of us on top of this. This is too much for me to ask. Since I do not know if Ava can be homeschooled for sure or not (I really want to do this by the way), I believe I should vaccinate her so that she will be able to attend school. I know this is just something I have to put in God's hands. I do find contentment in putting my thoughts into words on paper (or keyboard!)!

I really want to make the right decisions for my daughter. I am still learning to trust God in all areas of my life. I need prayer! These confusions of mine are just a result of lack of preparation for childrearing - a consequence of conceiving a child before marriage and before gaining the wisdom to do so!

I believe everything is allowed to happen for a reason - Ava is here for a reason. I will learn the rights and wrongs, it will just take me some time. I just pray my daughter does not have to suffer for my past sin. I want to give her everything that is good. And I want her to have enough.

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I know some of my views may seem extreme to some of you. I also know that my views may not seem extreme enough to others. My views are forever changing. What I think one day changes a few after - and that is growth. That is what I desire. So I am happy that I am forever changing my mind! From my choice of parenting style, to my economic beliefs, to social beliefs and beyond, no one will ever completely agree with me - as will no one completely agree with anyone in every area of life. We all see things a little bit different. There is a group of people who see things more alike though, and I am leaning toward becoming a person that falls into that category - the category of true believers in Christ. My new family.

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You Need
Written by Courtney Marie Jones
For Ava Michelle
On April twelfth, Two-thousand and eight

I sit here in our chair
Rocking you to sleep.
I kiss your sweet mouth
As you sleep on my shoulder.
Your delicate face
In the direction of mine.
You sleep best
When in my arms.
And I am reminded
Of how much you need.
You need me to hold you.
To teach you.
To kiss you.
To feed you.
To play with you.
To clean you.
To love you.
To cling to you.
To touch you.
To speak to you.
To hug you.
To lead you.
I will protect you
All the days of my life.
I will do my best
To give you enough
For each day of yours.
May God grant me
The wisdom to do so
So that you may not go
A day without what you need.