Such a sweetie she is...

with such a beautiful smile...

who very much likes to make messes and look at them...

and take the family dog on walks...

and is utterly "adorable!"

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who we love very dearly! We decided to share

some pictures since we can't be with you in person today. We hope you all

have a wonderful holiday and don't stuff yourselves too much with food!

Love,

Ava

and

Mommy

Ava can WALK!!!!

I am so not ready for this! But at the same time I am so ready for this!

She will be everywhere soon! Yay! AHHH!!

:)

Love.

Court

and

Ava.

Camera happy...

I just wanted to show everybody how much Ava

is starting to look like her mom. :)

P.S. The only reason she looked at the camera was because

she wanted it and I had to hold her down - hence the arm across

my neck trying to push herself to it and my hand holding her chest

in another! Haha.. one of these days

she will just sit there. Maybe....

here ya go AUNT STEPH!!! <3!

This post is dedicated...

I am posting this for an old friend of mine.
He needs encouragement and I'm trying to share with him the wonderful things our God can do for him.

Please pray for him and his salvation.


"Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you"
1 Peter 5:7

something old, something new.

old.

new.

old.

new.

needless to say, ava is adorable...

and i am growing my hair out because i LOVE long hair again!

:)

"Fellowship in the Gospel"

Today was the perfect day for this reading. I read today's reading but at times, some things don't seem to stick as well. It's like God wanted today's reading to stick out more to others while November 10th's sticks more with me today. Perhaps September 2nd's reading will reach my heart on November 10th! :)

I really needed this!


"November 10, 2008
Fellowship in the Gospel
ODB RADIO: DownloadREAD:
. . . fellow laborer in the gospel of Christ . . . —1 Thessalonians 3:2

After sanctification, it is difficult to state what your purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, "God has called me for this and for that," you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God’s interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.
I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, "Lord, this causes me such heartache." To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy "world within the world," and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being "frost-bitten.""


+ <- Ava typed that plus sign. I couldn't bring myself to delete it.

A time for change.

Tomorrow is the last day of my life in Peru, Indiana. Thank God! This town reminds me of a piece of my life that I would rather not remember. So many things have changed over the past year and one of these things is my contentment in living in this town - it has gone out the window!

I have cut all ties with all friends living here. It is hard sometimes when driving down the road and you see someone you knew - sometimes it makes me resentful (and I don't like feeling negative about anything anymore!). However, I have made a few new ones! :)

The only sad thing about this move is I feel bad for taking Ava and her daddy far away. I realize it is only an hour, but it was only 10 minutes. I have a lot of thoughts jumbling around within the walls of my brain right now - of which I won't bore everybody with. Let's just say I really hope that the Lord will change something in Sean's heart through all of this. How amazing would it be if Ava's parents were to marry someday?

It is time for a new start for a new me - and a new life that has been brought into the life of the new me! :)

Speaking of that new life - a few of you have asked for more videos of my Avie love. Once we get settled, I will happily make some more! That is, if the camera can keep up with her! She is so fast! She is really good at standing and holding on to things now. And she thinks when you blow kisses to her that it is the silliest thing in the world. <3 to my baby.

It is really time for me to go to bed. I have a long day of last minute throwing things in boxes. And some work to do still. I can't WAIT until this weekend and this move!

There comes a time...

when a new post is necessary!

And here goes the update...

First, I just got a new car. Yep. It's true.

I've got a little ol' pile of tin.
Nobody knows what shape it's in.
It's got four wheels and a runnin' board.
It's a four-door, it's a Ford.
Honk honk, rattle rattle rattle
crash, beep-beep.
Honk honk, rattle rattle rattle
crash, beep-beep.
Honk honk, rattle rattle rattle
crash, beep-beep.
Honk honk.

:]

Had to get that out. Anyway, it's a 1990 Mercury Topaz. Yes it indeed does have 4 doors and is a Ford (the keys say so, anyway)! It has a broken cd player and I love it. It just need some tlc as it was a to/from work car and is really dirty.

Next. Ava is crawling. Yes, Kennedi's (she is my oldest little sister for those of you who aren't aware) blog does read that she has been crawling for a while - but not like she is now. She is EVERYWHERE! I came inside today from talking with the people I got my car from (she was not alone in the house please know) and Ava (who was on a totally different side of the room by this time) got her first taste of pastels. Not the color - the things you USE to color. She was sitting down with a pile of them around her, licking one. I wouldn't mind so much if it were like crayons - but no - it had to be chalky pastels! Ew! Oh well. Hopefully she isn't a glue-eater since she liked those.

Also we had Ava's 6 month check up last week. She is now 16 lbs and 4 ounces. She is in the 50th percentile (as opposed to the 100th at her 4 month checkup) in her weight class now. I think she isn't as chunky now because she is moving around so much. She hardly ever lets me hold her anymore! Her head has moved up 3/4 of an inch since a visit one month ago - now to 16 inches around. AND her length is a whopping 28.5 inches. THIS is why my girl fits in 12 month-sized clothing.

Sean got a job this past week. He went back to a place he worked a few years ago and they ended up hiring him. I guess they realized that he is a little bit more mature now than he used to be. Hopefully this one works out for him. He is a cook at the Siding in Peru. Praise the Lord for the fact that he was able to get a job as this is something we've been praying about - now hopefully he can move in some other areas of Sean's life next!

We had a tree fall on our house this past Tuesday. Most people know about this so I won't bore everyone with the details but if you are a member of the Jones family and are interested, give me a call and I'll be glad to share the story with you. Actually, I need to call some of you anyway. It's been too long.

I have a video to upload but I am pinned to the chair by a sleeping baby in my lap (I know, I spoil her) right now and nobody answered my *nudge* to the downstairs computer by MSN Messenger so I suppose I will mosey downstairs in a bit to get the camera so that I can upload it. It is nice. Ava eating my face. Absolutely lovely. :D

Love,
Courtney
& Ava, too!

Ava is such a BIG girl!!

My dear Ava is growing so quickly!! We went to the doctor this past week and she weighs 16 lbs. already! She is 5 months and 2 weeks old and is fitting in 12 months clothing (mind you that whoever decided on the sizes for infant clothing must have had a runt in the litter as the sizes almost never turn out to be true to age)!

It doesn't help that I am putting in 30 hour work weeks at my new job so the time just flies by! It could be worse though... I could have to work outside of our home!!

So many new things are happening with her. She is sitting up without supporting herself now. She can't get in an upright position from laying, but she can sit up very well without any support and play with toys. She is rolling all over the place, scoots on her head sometimes, and last night she discovered that she can rock back and forth on her hands and knees! Mom (aka Mamae) said last night, "She will be crawling by the time she is 6 months!"

I'll be posting pictures much more often now as my baby is reaching all these milestones (quite early, I must say - not that it means anything) all of a sudden! I may also have some from Ashley's wedding to post after today. Here are a few to share!

She eats at the dinner table now (once a day, the rest is milk still)!

That smile makes me melt.

She isn't so big here. :) She fits in my new diaper bag!

(P.S. Michelle C., I already got one so don't worry about sending pics! Thank you so much for your kindess to share!)

Walk.

Today Mom and I took a nice walk with Ava while Pops and the girlies went to get the first addition to the Koozer Rabbitry. It is nice to get time like that with my Mommy. :]

Ava thought it was pretty nice too.

I love my baby!!!!

soap!

So my hand currently smells like chocolate. No, I haven't been eating. The wonderful lady I met last weekend in Wabash - who makes handmade soap out of vegetable products - was so kind as to send us a couple sample bars out of our order recently placed! And one is CHOCOLATE scented. Mom noted that it sort of smells of playdough, but we still like it. After you sniff it over and over, the playdough smell goes away!

I have been so busy that I have neglected all forms of communication in my life outside of my home. Email, blog, and phone have all been shunned (along with those of you who have attempted to contact me). I apologize, but I am on the phone and computer all day as my work day stretches throughout the day so by the time I am done, I am over both. I have been getting up and working for an hour, taking a break and hanging with Ava, working for 2 hours while she naps, eating lunch, playing, working for an hour here and there til I get 6 in. It is actually quite exhausting! But it sure beats leaving my dear baby home alone while I go off to work so she can scream and swat at her loving Mamae!

This week will be really interesting. I have commited myself to only 4 hours each day of work as opposed to the regular 6 as I will be standing in for Mom while she is away at 4-h with Kennedi, Kaylee, and Buddy (the horse) all day, every day. Please pray for me as this will be my first attempt at working, parenting, and housekeeping all at one time. I will surely fail! All is in the Lord's hands.

Yesterday we spent some quality time with my sisters. We made a trip to Wabash to Wal-mart to pick up a couple toys for Ava (and Kennedi got some stuff for her future rabbit). Ava now has a walker that she is about 2 inches too short for and a Rainforest Jumperoo! (The latter item mentioned is sooo cool! I wish they made big people ones!) I will take some pics later and post.

Off for now bc Mamae and Pappy are tiring of an extended playtime with Miss Avie.

Love,
Courtney

ava's chin.

here is the most recent video. no other writings today as we are about to walk out the door!

<3court.

Ava gets Mamae!

A lot has been going on here.... I few things to update on.. I will try to make this brief though, as I have Sean's aunt coming with a dresser she is letting Ava and I borrow.

Well, I started off my birthday with a bang... I began my first day of work for 1st Advantage solutions. Since then, I have worked about 7 hours, doing things like filling information in on spreadsheets, making new links on web pages, and making phone calls. I did have the day off for the most part yesterday. Today, I am currently awaiting an assignment. Yesterday I got a call from Misty, a lady from our church family, who works from home as well. Her company had a position open and she wanted to know if I was interested. I said I was, as things are still very dark (as in I am not even sure what or when I get paid with my current company - nor have I had to log my time yet). Today she called to confirm my hire. I am waiting on instructions to begin! Now I am faced with whether or not I should continue employment with my first job. I hate to leave such a nice employer. He is the nicest boss I have ever had! Please pray for me and this situation! And praise the lord for bringing me so many opportunities! I turned down a different job on Tuesday. I also have an interview Friday that I must now cancel! I went from desperately seeking work to home employment overload! God is good. And I think He has a great sense of humor. :)

Ava is now rolling over. I had to run to the office store on Tuesday to send a fax. I was standing in line when my cell rang. It was mom who said, "I am just calling to tell you at 9:10 a.m. on June 3rd, Ava Michelle Jones rolled over for the first time from back to tummy." I was so happy but sad that I missed it! Mamae got her first smile. And she got to see a big milestone first! Haha. She also does this really long groan when she is about to get upset. Especially when she is tired and wanting to go up to our room so she can sleep. She is hilarous. She brings such joy to me. There is never a dull moment in my life anymore. I can thank God for that.

I also remembered last night before falling asleep, with Ava in my arms, how difficult it was to get her here... we had a couple close calls. I had prayed that the Lord would show me more things to be thankful for, and then that realization came back to me. I am so thankful that my precious daughter is even able to overcome these milestone obstacles. If it weren't for the prayer Mom made in the other room during the complications, and the sweet prayer that Monica said, with her arms around me (this just made me cry, haha!), and also of course for the Lord's presence, Miss Ava may not have made it! God is soooo good! My baby is alive and well! And look at her go!

Other than that, I haven't done much. My time has been very consumed by work and searching for it. By the way, Ava now despises the computer.

The video shown in this post was recorded a couple weeks ago... I have another one that we recorded more recently but I'm trying to go in order from now on... So I guess I had better get to posting so I can catch up because there are plenty more to come!

Great News! and another video!

I have been working for a lady cleaning at the Y... I would get 2 hours one week, none the next, and not more than 4 the next... making 6 bucks an hour.. I didn't want to find something that kept me away from home more than 10 hours a week because I really want to be a stay at home mom.. not likely for a single mom. But God placed it in my heart for me to become one.. I just felt that he didn't want me away from Ava much.. plus in the bible it says a mother's work is in the home.. I just kept leaning on him and trusting that he would provide.. i saved every penny i got and pinched 'em, while i kept on praying... i had several interviews set up with online job employers but nothing ever panned out. i never even got to go thorugh the process. i have been holding on to the thought that this lady from NY (i think) is interested in me as she has been asking me questions a lot about my work but the bid for her job listed hasn't ended.... so that thought has kept me afloat.. then today, i got a phone call...

the first employer i had an interview set up for had his administrative assistant call me! i am HIRED! not an interview but HIRED! i am so stoked. i am not sure of the full details and i won't be fully until monday when he sends me a startup email... but i do know this much:

1. i will work from either 9am-5pm EST or 5pm-12am EST...

2. i will work 30-40 hours per week

3. i will be working for a web design company answering live chats and emails for support

4. I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE FOR WORK ANYMORE!!!

i will probably continue working at the YMCA for at least a couple more weeks so i can be sure everything is good with my new job... i may stay there... i dont' know yet for sure..

oh i am so excited. the Lord is so good... through prayer and perseverence, He just may give you what you want! really, He does things because He wants them done but i wanted to work from home because of the work He did through me! amazing. all praise goes to God.

and here's another video of my darling daughter (3 months old at the time).... i call it "the adventures of henry the hippo" narrated by aunt kennedi... tune in for the sequel next week!

oh, how i love her...

Here's a post for those of you who live far away and don't get to experience much of Miss Ave...

Ava can already sit upright without support! She is developing too fast yet at just the right pace.

She also wanted to be sure we all knew the train was coming...

a bunch of nothing!

it's been a good while since my last post..

we made it to michigan and back last weekend. visited with granny and grandpa seymoure in kalamazoo. we had a grand time... most of us did anyway. ava did good for a fair portion of the trip; i will not give her a "good" or a "great" grade... she was fussy a lot in the afternoons/evenings... so i thought, she is teething! come to find out, we came home, she cried that night for about 20 minutes straight with no calming whatsoever.... and she's been perfectly fine ever since! she had a case of the i-want-to-be-at-home-again blues. needless to say, we will not be taking another trip for a while.. but during the happy times, it was great to see granny and gpa. their house is beautiful and i told mom i wanted to move into their guest room. she gave me a not so nice look. apparently she likes me and wants me to stay here. ;)

and the week happened. there isn't more to say here other than i got two more prospective jobs... then one got flushed today. got an email saying the position was filled. i still have one lead with a gold buyer out of wabash (i think he's from wabash)... keeping my prayers on this one.

this past weekend was a lonely one. saturday was anyway. mom and dad went to help pat and michelle move. the girls spent the morning with ava and i.. then they left too. so ava and i were home forever without any social interaction with anybody but ourselves. i did get a changing table out of the day though! michelle and pat did not have room in their new humble abode so they decided to allow ava and i to make use of it for a while! thank the Lord for family and generosity! thank you again guys! anyway, so father helped me carry the table all the way upstairs to the third from top step when my back did something very strange. i don't know what happened but i've had slight pain when sitting and standing since! it is getting better though. but poor chuck, he had to stand there and wait for me to pick the table back up, after he had been moving all day! we finally got it into our room. they left to help the seymoures again. i made the changer fit in our room a little bit and then we just relaxed. we later went downstairs (we spent a majority of the day in our room) and ava started looking around and yelling (not really yelling but it was kind of like a "hey!").... she missed everybody. so we waited for them in the chair. they got home, we said hi, and ava decided it was bedtime. sunday we went to church in the morning, stayed for fellowship, and came home. we rested.

today aunt kaylee and i took miss ava on a trip to the post office. i know if i were working behind the counter at the post office i would have thought it was funny to see a 4 month old baby and her mother both wearing sunglasses (matching is what best friends do!). it's probably just me though. too bad kaylee wasn't wearing shades. we would have looked "cool." just kidding.
and that was the highlight of our day.

thank you for reading. sorry for boring!

love,
courtney
and avie baby.

pictures, of course.

"Thank you, Aunt Steph for my adorable dress!"

"momma always takes pictures of me before church!"

Waiting on the porch with Mamae for Momma to arrive home from work...

play time!

here are a few pics of ava during play time! i so love her!

update time.

today is a beautiful day. the sky thunders and pours down upon us. i just love stormy days.

the past few days have been pretty round.. ava and i wake up, feed, play and she sleeps. and the routine continues throughought the day... with a few obstacles in ava's development i must work on training, i have been very busy as a mommy.. see, ava has decided that she likes to scream. not the regular scream a child does when trying to get his/her way, but a high-pitched blood curdling scream. she does it either when she is wanting attention, hungry, or tired... so basically all the time (haha)... she is also starting to try to stay awake more throughout the day.. and it is working. she is really learning how to manipulate and i have to turn the table quickly or i am in for a series of long, hard years ahead! i am getting better at telling her "no," but it is so hard being a first time mommy to tell my little one who i adore so much! i am beginning to understand why so many children are so unruly - because [some of] their parents found it hard to not let them have what they want! oh, how incredibly easy it can be to spoil a child rotten! but i must stand up against these feelings. i refuse to ruin ava by letting her have everything she wants.. it will hurt her in the long run more than i (or anyone else).. i can only do this with our preeminent Lord's help.

somewhere in the middle i have been able to work out with mom. we both feel much more energized lately from pumping all that oxygen throughought our body.. it is so refreshing! we have started to eat healthy again, too. we are trying to care for our temples more than we had been and it can make one feel so good for doing it!

yesterday was a busy day, too. i will not elaborate on it as my mother has posted on the happenings so i will refer you to her page to read up (if you haven't already!).. however, i will say one thing... i LOVE spending time with my mother and sisters (and miss ava, of course).. they are my best friends and i love them all.

i also am still seeking out work that i can either do from home or work that will not keep me away for more than a few hours at a time (as ava will not take the bottle so i must come home to feed her).. (i think) i have an interview with an online company called 1st advantage solutions.. the ceo has contacted me several times but has yet to finalize our interview process. i also have hope that i may be offered a job from a gold buyer from wabash who is looking for an administrative assistant from home.. i really think i am supposed to be home for work now. i just must continue to pray about it. i am still working for a lady who runs the cleaning side of the YMCA. i just have not been called in for two weeks. she did call me yesterday to say she would be needing me soon, so praise Him for providing that opportunity!

ava is asleep so i must move on to some cleaning and bread baking (my new hobby - that i must admit i am very good at - if given the right recipe :) )! thank you for reading.

<3 courtney

Thank you.

The purpose in this post is more meaningful to me than it may be to some of you.. I have a tendency need to write out my thoughts or they get all jumbled up in my head and lost somewhere in my brain. Some of these thoughts I speak of are very important ones - like the one I am brainstorming on today. This is something I want to find a way to say to my church family someday. As for now, only one member of that family will read this... a lady who is becoming a very dear friend of mine - a beautiful girl who God has placed in my life.

As I continue to grow in my faith, I continue to realize new things. One realization I have come to is that I am in a very controversial situation - raising a child as a single parent. Many christians look down on people like me. Fortunately, the Lord has graced me. He has placed my family in a church of loving people who have accepted me despite the sin I have incurred. Rather than turning their heads to us, they have welcomed my daughter and I, making us feel so very loved. Each family has even given gifts to celebrate her life. I am in awe of how wonderful our Creator is and how much he loves a sinner like me. I am forever thankful to my church family - even more so to my Father.

fun time with ava...

decisions in parenting can be difficult.

Today Ava had her shots. She was given two shots, but was administered a total of seven vaccines today: Hepatitis B, Polio, Pneumococcal Disease, Diptheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis were given in two shots; Rotavirus was attempted orally. Ava does not take oral meds well and (as usual) emptied her tummy on the table while the nurse tried to finish off her dosage.

I am battling the decision of doing this to my daughter. It is such a common thing to be done, and I, coming from a long line of worldly perspective, feel it is a good thing to be done. It keeps the child from contracting very serious illnesses. It helps to build the immune system in the child. These are things I have heard and trusted to be true promoting childhood vaccinations. However, I have read some studies demoting these shots, but I am 1) not sure how credible they are and 2) not confident enough to make the decision against this idea. I know that there was mercury in some of the shots but I know, too, that this has been eradicated from most shots (including the ones at the Miami County Health Department). I also know that my daughter's doctor strongly supports vaccines and my insurance has a minimal amount of doctors to choose from - him being the best in my opinion. I am not ready to take my daughter out of the care of a professional who is educated to oversee her health. Another thought against ruling out vaccinations in Ava's life is that my future is unknown. I do not know if I will be able to homeschool her. My mother has said she would help. I may be able to have her help, but I can not expect her to do the job herself. She has two other daughters to school. Plus she takes care of all of us on top of this. This is too much for me to ask. Since I do not know if Ava can be homeschooled for sure or not (I really want to do this by the way), I believe I should vaccinate her so that she will be able to attend school. I know this is just something I have to put in God's hands. I do find contentment in putting my thoughts into words on paper (or keyboard!)!

I really want to make the right decisions for my daughter. I am still learning to trust God in all areas of my life. I need prayer! These confusions of mine are just a result of lack of preparation for childrearing - a consequence of conceiving a child before marriage and before gaining the wisdom to do so!

I believe everything is allowed to happen for a reason - Ava is here for a reason. I will learn the rights and wrongs, it will just take me some time. I just pray my daughter does not have to suffer for my past sin. I want to give her everything that is good. And I want her to have enough.

-------------------------------------------------

I know some of my views may seem extreme to some of you. I also know that my views may not seem extreme enough to others. My views are forever changing. What I think one day changes a few after - and that is growth. That is what I desire. So I am happy that I am forever changing my mind! From my choice of parenting style, to my economic beliefs, to social beliefs and beyond, no one will ever completely agree with me - as will no one completely agree with anyone in every area of life. We all see things a little bit different. There is a group of people who see things more alike though, and I am leaning toward becoming a person that falls into that category - the category of true believers in Christ. My new family.

--------------------------------------------------

You Need
Written by Courtney Marie Jones
For Ava Michelle
On April twelfth, Two-thousand and eight

I sit here in our chair
Rocking you to sleep.
I kiss your sweet mouth
As you sleep on my shoulder.
Your delicate face
In the direction of mine.
You sleep best
When in my arms.
And I am reminded
Of how much you need.
You need me to hold you.
To teach you.
To kiss you.
To feed you.
To play with you.
To clean you.
To love you.
To cling to you.
To touch you.
To speak to you.
To hug you.
To lead you.
I will protect you
All the days of my life.
I will do my best
To give you enough
For each day of yours.
May God grant me
The wisdom to do so
So that you may not go
A day without what you need.

a new beginning.. with purpose. (this is possibly the longest post ever).

Today I begin something new.
Today I begin this blog!

I hope that these writings will entertain those of you in our lives - near and far - who wish to read about the occurrences in our lives!
I am excited to begin blogging again. Please bare with me as I am used to another site for journaling and am still getting used to all the options on this page!

My Testimony:
First of all, I want to share with all of you (some have heard this story before) that I believe my daughter (although conceived in sin) was allowed to come into this place for many wonderful reasons. However, I think you all will be pleased to know this reason in particular that I believe she was brought here:
As many of you know, I have struggled with eating issues for several years now on-and-off. I had been through several types of counseling - none had a positive effect on me (some actually allowing me to fall deeper into my sickness). I was killing myself and refused to care. I did not care who was affected by it, as long as I was happy - and I was! Or so I thought. I was happy because I was accepted by people. See, I not only was stuck in a disorder, but also a lifestyle. I spent a lot of time partying. I will not go into the depths of this as I am sure some young eyes will come across this and I do not want to plant these things in their heads. The people I associated with did not accept me for who I was then. They wanted to be my "friends" so they could have someone to do these things with. These activities are very social activities. I ended up in trouble with the law. This stopped me from doing some of these things but not all. I still continued making myself sick. At this point in time I was basically a walking skeleton (who still thought she had a few pounds to lose). So here I was, finding happiness in a world of darkness. A world that was slowly killing me. And that darkness can be fun. For a short time. It always catches up with you though.
Then one day I woke up and decided that I didn't want do do these things anymore. I quit the "activities" but weaned myself into getting into a regular eating pattern again. It only took me a couple weeks. I just felt different. I had not accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior at this point in time. He was working in me I believe due to the prayers of those around me for me and also because of God's will for my life, not because of anything I had done or requested.
Then a couple months later, I decided to take a test. A test of whether or not there was life growing inside of me. A pregnancy test. And lo and behold, there was! I committed myself to taking care of my body from that point on and had.
So I stopped doing these things that were killing me, but I was still dying. I still had not accepted God and what he had done for me. So, He allowed for something else to happen to me. I was stricken with parasites. Scabies. There is NOTHING worse that can be cured than this problem. And there is NOTHING worse than that than being PREGNANT with it! I had to get rid of it before having my daughter! I would not have been able to face myself if I had given birth and given this to my daughter - or worse, not been able to take care of her at all until I was rid of it! I was frustrated for a couple months as I kept battling it. It would go away for a few weeks then come back. A few days. Back. I was in and out of the doctor and finally they quit seeing me. They wouldn't treat me because I had put so much on my skin. I was in tears over this. EVERY DAY. I did more laundry during this point in time than I have in my whole life probably. I remember standing in the basement by the washer, pulling clothes out and putting them in the dryer, sobbing, saying, "God, I will live for you. My live is yours. Please take this away from me and keep my daughter safe." There was a risk, too, of the medication on a fetus (although the risk is generally in the first trimester and I was in my third).
After that day, things began to change. Without my effort, even! My scabies cleared up (apparently I hadn't had it for a while and was dealing with post-scabies - a condition from all the pesticides I put on my skin to rid them - for a while). My attitude began to change at home and especially toward people at church who were trying to reach out to me. I easily gave up my old life (although I had before I had still the thoughts of going back into it after giving birth). I began to seek Christ.
Then Ava was born. The moment she was born I fell in love. I saw her and I was hers. Then God really moved in me. I was so excited to be a mom before she came. Then I was just in awe. Awe of his wonderfulness. Awe of how he could create such a beautiful being. Awe of how he could keep this child safe from all the harm that I could have put her through. In awe of the fact that she was so healthy! And I was in awe that he could allow a life to grow in something that was lacking it so much!
And over the past few months I have grown even more! I am confident in my walk with Him and am thankful for every little thing he had done for me - from my family taking us in to the changes I see in Sean. And for Ava. She is such a little blessing!

And the updates shall begin...

Ava is amazing - as we all know... but she is also amazing in health! She was 12 lbs at her 2 month visit and she is approaching her three month birthday! She is still exclusively breastfeeding. She REFUSES to take a bottle and is learning that when Mommy is gone, Ava does not eat. It works well for my two hour shifts cleaning at the YMCA (newest job), but I am nervous about when I start working nights from 6 until 9 or 10! She does go 4-6 hours at night without feedings (and only wakes long enough to fill her tummy an then goes right back to sleep)! I get so much sleep. I am extremely blessed to have such a content and cooperative baby! She is becoming very friendly, too! The doctor prescribed her a liquid vitiamin D supplement but she will not keep it down. I tried it and I totally understand why. It is some nasty stuff. I spoke with him about this and he said it is fine and since it is getting to be more sunny out I can just put her in the sun for 30 minutes a week and she will get enough of the vitamin that way. Phew!
She loves everybody! Ava's favorite person, of course, is Mommy. The world is a happy place to her and if we were to tell her otherwise she probably would laugh at us for our perspective. She loves to play games like "rolly-rolly (we roll her from side to side, saying rolly-rolly)," stand or sit up (we hold her hands and she literally pulls herself up onto her feet - so strong!), and Pop Goes the Weasel (although this one is becoming played out)! She also goes on walks with Aunt Kennedi! She actually picks up her feet and walks across the floor while Kennedi holds onto her by her arms!
The only bad report I have is that she has her 2 month shots tomorrow morning. I am super nervous about it, but Sean is coming so maybe I can get him to hold her down for me!

As far as I go, I am doing great. Postpartum life is not at all what people have told me it would be. I have heard I would be sleep deprived, moody, depressed, etc... I am none of the above and have not been since meeting my little angel.
I only work a maximum of 8 hours a wek right now because I have been laid off from one job (serving) and the other job doesn't require much time. Plus, I desperately desire to be a stay-at-home-mom for Ava. I am doing the closest I can.

Ava is awake so I must go. Bye for now!

<3>
and Ava!